Tag: desire map

I was going to write an entire post dedicated to a recipe for a yummy chicken salad from one of my favorite blogs, Nourishing Meals.

The authors of that blog have also written a few of my favorite cookbooks, including Nourishing Meals and The Whole Life Nutrition Kitchen.

But because of all of the exciting events over the past week, I felt more inspired to reflect on and share a life lesson that has really transformed my life and what’s possible in it.

Earlier this year, I wrote about how Bill and I started the year by declaring how we wanted to FEEL (vs. a laundry list of all the things we wanted to ACCOMPLISH) in 2015. I narrowed down how I wanted to feel to five words and have intentionally taken action to do things that make me feel RADIANT, CLEAR, FLOWING, CONNECTED and WORTHY.

When I’m speaking, teaching, or presenting about a topic near and dear to me, I feel radiant, flowing and connected. Something in the deepest part of me unlocks and I radiate only goodness and positivity. I become the best version of myself.

I feel energized, inspired and ALIVE.

I lose track of time. I’m in a “flow” state, and everything seems effortless.

I’m joyful. I’m authentic.

I’m boldly and unapologetically me.

What a relief that is.

I haven’t always felt so CLEAR or so completely myself.

In March 2015, I was recognized by WELCOA as the #1 Health Promotion Professional in the Country, and won a trip to San Diego to attend their summit. I had the privilege of being able to share a few words with my peers during an acceptance speech and was stoked to do that.

As I was sitting at the conference listening to all of the awesome speakers, I thought to myself, “I want to do that one day.”

I reflected on the time I spent in San Diego at the Wellness Council of America (WELCOA) Summit and the American Journal of Health Promotion Conference, and I wrote down a list of declarations on the last page of my journal.

It’s been pretty mind-blowing to see how many of those intentions have become realities over the past 6 months.

On a warm, sunny day in late August, I received a call from Sara Rauch, the Director of Strategy and Planning for WELCOA. She invited me to be one of the speakers at the 2016 WELCOA National Summit in Orlando!

I was elated/joyful/on top of the world/stoked and couldn’t stop smiling. It was literally a dream come true.

Since then, a few of the other intentions I’d written down in April have come to be.

1) I’ve spoken at multiple SHRM (Society for Human Resource Management) conferences.

I presented at the Maryland State conference in Ocean City in September, at Chapter meetings for the DCSHRM and Baltimore County SHRM, and most recently, at the Carroll County SHRM’s Annual Fall Conference. I’m slated to speak at the Montgomery County SHRM and possibly two other regional SHRM groups in 2016.

2) Earlier this week, I had the opportunity to speak at a CEO group in Baltimore. The event was put on by the Hunt Valley Business Forum and was focused on Health and Wellness for the 21st Century Woman. I was one of the four panelists, each with different areas of expertise in the health and wellness field.

My friend and favorite group exercise instructor Jacob, who I’ve known for nearly a decade, invited me to be on the panel, and I felt SO alive and invigorated before, during and after the event. I met some amazing women who are doing great things in Baltimore and beyond.

hvbf flyer 3) I’ve had the privilege of presenting at the Institute for Integrative Health multiple times.

I co-presented a Sweet Confessions event with Dr. Chris D’Adamo in July, taught a Yummy Snacks for Healthy, Happy Kids cooking class and workshop in September, and felt totally on fire and “in the zone” teaching this week’s workshop, “Going Gluten-Free without Going Crazy.”

Have you ever walked away from a project and just felt like, “THAT is what I’m meant to do!”?

That’s exactly how I felt after Wednesday’s class. It was incredible!

We’re in the process of planning programs for next year, and I’ve been asked to speak at the Annual Health and Wellness Conference put on by the University of Maryland Center for Integrative Medicine and hosted by the Institute for Integrative Health in April 2016. I’m pumped!

I share all of this with you not to brag or be arrogant but to prove that point that we have to BELIEVE things are possible in our lives and make room for them before they’re likely to happen.

If we NEVER think we’ll get that job, have a healthy and thriving relationship, run that half marathon, cook from scratch, get a raise, or be happy, then we probably won’t. If we believe deep down that something is impossible, then subconsciously, we’ll do things to sabotage anything that comes close to looking like what we actually want to happen in our lives.

We’ll end up shutting it down before it even has a chance to come into being.

In the spirit of transparency and being totally honest and open with you, I feel compelled to share that one of my deepest fears and insecurities is that people won’t like me, that I will be TOO successful and that, ultimately I will be alone.

I know it might sound crazy to hear me say that, but ALL of us, no matter how “successful” or accomplished we become, deal with those feelings in some way or another.

Because of that, I have to be hyper aware of that tendency, so I don’t sabotage myself or sell myself short. I love what Marianne Williamson has to say about that…

That inspiration comes from her book, A Return to Love, and the complete passage reads like this:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

So, what about you?

What would your life look like if you were honest with yourself about what makes YOU radiate and bring light and joy into the world?

Each one of us has the power within us to be great.

So stop playing small.

And start living the life you were meant to live!

Why I Don’t Make New Year’s Resolutions {And What I Do Instead}

By Rachel Druckenmiller

On January 5, 2015

In Inspired, My Story

I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions.

For someone whose job is centered around inspiring and guiding other people to be well and improve or change their lives and health, that might seem odd.

After reading this, I guarantee you’ll think about New Year’s Resolutions differently than you ever have before.

Two years ago, my husband and I were walking around Hamden, an eclectic neighborhood in the heart of Baltimore, on New Year’s Eve. We ventured into a bookstore/café, and I stumbled upon a book that would forever change the way I thought about the concept of resolutions.

It was called The Desire Map.

As I flipped through the first few pages, I came upon the author Danielle’s story of turning away from the checklist style many of our New Year’s Resolutions tend to take.

Instead of focusing on what she wanted to DO that year, she asked herself a different question.

**How do I want to feel?**

Inspired by that question, my husband Bill and I reflected on our own responses at our annual New Year’s brunch after first recapping all of the fun memories and moments from 2014 in our gratitude jar, a tradition we started two years ago.

Our gratitude jar. We collect memories in it throughout the year and write them out in a journal at the end of the year.

After brainstorming words that capture how I want to feel, I narrowed them down to the top five words that energize me the most and came up with my “core desired feelings.”

It’s different than making a fleeting resolution because it gets at “WHY,” what’s really driving my desire to make changes in my life.

Here are my 5 core desired feelings:

When we get clear on how we want to feel and why, we can be more intentional about deciding what we can do to generate those feelings.

So, that’s what I did.

“Sending out light; shining or glowing brightly”

Luster, light, brightness, brilliance, flow, joy, elation, delight

I did a visualization exercise a month or so ago and imagined my “ideal day” – what it felt like, what it looked like, how I would spend it. In that exercise, I pictured lots of physical openness and light in the spaces around me.

Not only do I want to bring light into my physical space (by expanding and opening up our kitchen – I can’t wait!), but I also want to be someone who has a glow and sense of joy about me.

We all know people like that. They literally light up a room, have a physical glow about them, and just seem to bring light and life wherever they go. I want to be that kind of person. I want to radiate in that way.

To be radiant is to be unapologetically bright, bold, and intentional. When something is radiant, it overflows with light that can’t help but spread. This year, I’m going to “go for it,” put myself out there, and be me.

How do I generate feelings of radiance?

By spending time with other people who are on fire about what they do and are passionate about making the world a better place. Continuing to take a positive, building approach to health vs. instilling fear in people about their health choices. Sharing my story and health journey and how I’ve overcome and learned from my challenges. Regularly expressing gratitude and appreciation for the people and things in my life. Nourishing my body with foods that heal me and help my skin glow.

“The quality of being certain or definite”

Clearness, lucidity, sharpness, crispness, definition, precision, purity

I’ve taken on a lot over the past year. In addition to having a full-time job, I started a health coaching and consulting business on the side, began writing this blog, regularly blogged for two other companies, and completed two certification programs, one of which lasted almost four months.

I’ve learned a lot this year, but at times, I’ve felt distracted, unfocused, and frenzied.

I’ve fallen into the comparison trap of paying more attention to what other people are doing to find success rather than laser focusing on my unique gifts and skills and on what I can offer. Someone else is farther along than me or has more clients or has created some super cool product or program I “should have” created.

Comparing ourselves is incredibly draining.

For the first time in almost six years, I’m taking a break from certifications and school. I’m going to look back on ALL the incredible things I’ve learned.

Instead of trying to be all things to all people, I’m going to get clear on what makes me come alive, what intensely interests me, what best uses my gifts, skills and knowledge.

How do I generate feelings of clarity?

Spending time with mentors who know me, believe in me and respect me and who will ask me tough questions about how I can best put my passion, skills, and knowledge to use. “Unplugging” and stepping away (sometimes physically getting away) to refocus and give my mind a break. Taking stock of my strengths and focusing my time and attention on improving those rather than comparing myself to other people. Getting better at what I’m best at. Because my faith is important to me, praying and asking for direction and discernment and then being still enough to hear the response. Doing less of the things that drain me, rob me of my energy, and aren’t the best uses of my time or skills.

“Proceeding smoothly, continuously, effortlessly”

Free-flowing, effortless, easy, natural, smooth, free, unconfined

As I’ve struggled to arrive at a sense of clarity, I’ve felt the opposite of “flowing.” I’ve felt confined, stuck, pushing through just to get through.

It hasn’t felt smooth. It hasn’t seemed effortless. It hasn’t been easy.

“Flow” is also a concept in positive psychology. We might better know it as “being in the zone.”

When we’re “in the zone,” we’re fully immersed in what we’re doing. We feel and perform our best. We’re laser-focused, fully present, aware and involved, oblivious to time, creative and confident.

Flow feels effortless.

How can I generate feelings of flowing?

I experience “flow” when I’m giving a nutrition presentation to a group, teaching a cooking class, talking and teaching about food and health, cooking, spending time with others who are passionate about their work and purpose and whose missions align with mine, writing, singing, taking morning walks and doing yoga.

Instead of feeling stuck or clogged – physically, emotionally, and mentally – I want to feel like what I’m doing is effortless, free-flowing, and unconfined. Also don’t solely think this is the only way people can work through their flow troubles, I’ve known authors that have previously had deals that still look to try and confirm future contracts for their upcoming book as they’re still writing it, with the likes of literary agents or going straight to a publishing house. Some people can still feel like they are free and unconfined within different boundaries. Ultimately it’s how you know yourself to be able to continue reaching your next milestone.

(Want to learn more about flow? Check out this TED Talk from the man who came up with the concept).

“Forming a relationship or feeling an affinity”

Linked, banded together, coupled, joined, united, related

As someone who has historically been content doing things on my own and being independent, I’ve learned that seeking connection with others is one of the ways I can be my best self.

When I feel connected, I feel close, safe, wanted, supported, understood. We were meant to be connected, to be in community with others.

How do I generate feelings of connection?

Really listening to Bill and giving him my undivided attention when we’re talking. Being fully present when we’re together. Going on trips together to new places. Checking out new restaurants or trying new recipes at home. Making alone time and date nights a priority. Taking Sunday evening walks and catching up about the week. Making our weekly small group a priority, as we “do life together” with our friends from church, opening up about our vulnerabilities and sharing our joys. Surrounding ourselves with other couples who love each other well and build each other and us up.

Spending time with people who “get me” and know me – people who don’t judge me but who see all of the light and potential in me and do what they can to support it and help it grow. Serving others by volunteering in the community. Networking with people who are passionate, supportive, and encouraging. Being open to learning something from everyone I meet. My final core feeling triggered an emotional response in me that I wasn’t expecting.

When I arrived at my final feeling – WORTHY – I stumbled across this definition:

“Good enough”

And that’s where I stopped, and the tears started welling up.

THIS has been my wound and my struggle throughout my life, since I was a kid.

Feeling worth it. Feeling good enough.

I have an insatiable thirst for knowledge and information and would be a perpetual student if I could. But it goes deeper than that. The drive to consume more knowledge is fueled in part by my feeling of inadequacy and the sense that I’m not enough – that I don’t know enough, am not capable enough, am not skilled enough, am not good enough.

“If only I learned this thing, THEN I’d be ready. Then, people would respect me. Then people would take me seriously. Then people would want to work with me and pay me what I believe my time and effort is worth.”

It’s exhausting to feel like I’m constantly trying to prove myself.

How do I generate feelings of worthiness?

Talking to people who believe in me, respect me, know me and my heart, and want the best for me…and then embracing what they tell me. My friend Erin is particularly amazing at doing this for me. We all need a friend like that.

Writing it down or literally speaking it out loud to myself – YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU ARE WORTHY of fill in the blank (love, sacrifice, success, forgiveness, praise, money, your deepest desires).

But most importantly, by reminding myself of the TRUTH – even if I never “accomplish” anything else in my life, I have value and worth because I am.

If I want to have a sense of clarity, be radiant, experience flow, and feel connected, I have to first believe that I’m worthy, that I’m good enough.

So there you have it. Those are my core desired feelings, my intentions for the new year.

How about you? Are you done with New Year’s Resolutions? Tired of feeling discouraged by February about all the things you didn’t quite accomplish despite the best of plans?

Check out this guide to walk you through the process of mapping out YOUR core desired feelings. You might be surprised by what comes up for you!